Good Times and Bad Times

Whenever you’re considering some kind of big step in your life — changing careers, having a kid, moving to the desert to write — someone, somewhere, will usually tell you there’s no good time to do it. The implication is that you’re just stalling and you should just go do it already.

But there are bad times

“There’s no good time” really boils down to “there’s no perfect time, when the stars are aligned and nothing will be hard and no one will be upset.” That’s true. But there are bad times.

If you’re already in the midst of one big life transition or crisis? It’s a bad time.

If you’re physically or mentally unwell and it’s likely some time and self-care would improve the situation? It’s a bad time.

If you’re swamped under caretaking, whether of a small human or a parent or an ill spouse? It’s a bad time.

There are lots of valid reasons why “not now” is a perfectly good strategy. It doesn’t mean you must be procrastinating, or if you just push on through, everything will be fine.

We don’t always get to choose

Unfortunately, sometimes life piles it on without us ever choosing to add a health crisis in the middle of a job search process on top of credentialing and moving across the country. Shit happens.

When shit happens, all you can do is batten down the hatches, focus on the things that absolutely have to happen no matter what, do what you can to take care of yourself, and keep breathing. When our family recently had a pile of shit happen, our goal was “everyone is fed and nothing is toxic.” We went to bed ridiculously early. We ate a lot of takeout and prepared foods. When we could finally catch our breath and look around, there were some unbelievable piles of dog fur rolling around, but we hadn’t made it all worse by trying to do too much.

If you’re down to “look for a job even though everything is a disaster because hey, rent is important,” then there you are. Shit has happened and you’re doing what you need to do. “Doing what you need to do” is intensely personal. What’s on your list is what’s on your list, and rock on.

Self-care, self-care, self-care

Whether shit is happening and you’re having to deal, or whether you’ve chosen to step off into a big life transition of some kind, the best thing you can do is ramp up the self-care. Keeping your personal resources high and your well-being front and center will help you get to the other side without completely falling apart (or at least without worsening the falling apart).

Take two naps a day. Vent to friends. Go for a run. Color. Lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Take showers. Eat something, anything. Take your meds.

Whatever it is that works for you, do that, without beating yourself up for the times when it doesn’t happen.

And for heaven’s sake, if it’s not a good time, consider putting off additional big life transitions until things calm down.