Just about a month ago, my wife and I pulled into our new driveway, 2800 miles away from our old driveway. Even though I know better, I had this idea that we’d get settled and back into our routines in no time.

So not true.

While they’re much fewer and farther between, we still have boxes to unpack.  (I still haven’t found the kitchen knives, for instance, which does make cooking an adventure.) Every time we want to do something, we have to first figure out where it can happen and then we have to get there from here. We spend time every day trying to remember the arcane recycling rules. We get lost thinking we know where we’re going.

In short, it’s not just the time it takes to unpack the boxes. Part of why transition is so fucking hard is that it erases all your lovely routines and forces you to problem-solve for every. single. thing. We know that making decisions takes actual energy, and we have a finite supply of it. When we have to figure out everything, we need more sleep than usual, we forget things, we get clumsy, and we’re hella emotional.

I can testify to all of these things. I have more bruises on me right now than I did when I learned to ride my bike.

But here’s the difference: Because I know about transition, I could greet the arrival of each annoying side effect ruefully, as something expected, instead of with resistance or anger. Transition is hard, but knowing what to expect meant I didn’t make it harder by thinking there was something wrong with me.

This is why I talk about transition, and this is why I think everyone should know about it. We all go through dozens of transitions in our lives, small and large, and the rules always apply. It’s so much easier when you know it’s normal.

Annoying, but normal.