I’ve heard it twice in the last week, from two different people at two entirely different stages of their academic career.
I’ve already spent so much money / time on this program / career that I should just see it through.
It makes sense, right? In for a penny, in for a pound.
Except it’s a crappy way to make a decision that will affect your life so profoundly.
Problem the first
Here’s the thing. You’ve already put thousands of dollars into your graduate program. You’ve already put years into your career. You’ve already spent energy on your tenure bid.
No matter what happens next, that won’t change.
When you think those sunk costs mean you have to stick it out, however, you’re sacrificing your future in order to justify a past decision. In effect, you’re saying that unless you get the degree / get tenure / stay in this career forever, all of that money / time / energy was wasted.
And I want to, very gently, ask you if that’s really true. Did you really learn nothing, about yourself or the world or your field?
Everything you’ve chosen and experienced has brought you to this point — and you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for where you’ve been. Just because it’s no longer the right choice doesn’t mean it never was. What is the next right thing now?
If you want to hang on because hanging on will enable you to reach a goal that really does matter to you (you have to finish if you want to be a working social worker, for instance), then that’s different. But don’t stay just because you want to redeem something that doesn’t really need to be redeemed.
Problem the second
Did you notice that “should” up there in my composite quote? I’ll let you in on a secret — anytime the word “should” comes out to play, it’s time for a little questioning.
Most of the time, we “should” ourselves because we’re fighting with ourselves, trying to make two (often unspoken) disparate beliefs play nicely together.
Maybe it’s “I really hate this” with “I don’t want to look like a failure,” so you “should” go ahead and put that tenure package together instead of hightailing it out of Dodge.
Maybe it’s “I don’t actually want to be a professor” with “I want my advisor to be proud of me,” so you “should” go on the job market.
“Should” is different from “choose,” of course. We often choose to do things we don’t enjoy in the moment to fulfill a higher goal we truly do value, and we often cover our resentment of those unenjoyable things with “should.” For example, I choose to do the laundry because I want to wear that cute green top again, but as I’m humping the baskets up and down the stairs, I’m probably saying “should.”
So when you notice that word cropping up in your self-talk or your conversations with others, check it out. Ask why. Consider the answer.
The next right thing
You know that drippy platitude about how yesterday is over and tomorrow hasn’t happened but today is the present and that’s why they call it a gift? Stupid formulation aside, the underlying truth of it applies: All you have to do is decide in and for this moment.
It’s not about justifying past decisions. It’s not about trying to control the future, whether someone’s opinion of you or what will happen. It’s just about figuring out what the next right thing is for you. Now.
So I ask you: What is the next right thing?